i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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