I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
