Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
