my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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