i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dignity is for republicans.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
