it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
