i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
