Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
