I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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