no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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