yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
