Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
