i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
