I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
how does that bad decision feel?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
