i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
