Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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