hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
