omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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