; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who died my cat blue again?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
