So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
