i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
