i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
