I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need a burrito and a hug.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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