I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
