just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
