i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
