Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
