I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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