God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
