So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
