physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
