So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
