Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
