literally had 100 drinks last night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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