dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
