Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I believe in your delicious
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
