Only a mothe r could love this liver
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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