you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
