What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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