Already got asked if we're dating
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
