p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
