if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
