I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
