Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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