I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
