So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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