I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just invented taco cereal.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
