Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
