Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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