Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
