Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
