ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just high enough for therapy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
