So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
