I cut my penus on the lid.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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