He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
