Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
